Let's be honest about the female beauty trajectory. Starting from about age 14, your one main objective is to look Hot. This lasts for about 15 years. Then, in your early thirties, you start noticing tiny lines around your eyes and you're like, "oh shit!" and you switch to trying to look Not Old. Then you have some kids, and your only goal becomes to look Alive when you leave the house. That's it. Your standards have tanked.

This is why I really appreciate Marc Jacobs makeup, especially the full coverage concealer. Marc Jacobs is the king of bringing fancy-pants couture to the masses, and his makeup line is no exception. The heavy glass packaging makes you feel like you're using the real deal, not CVS-brand mom stuff. Dipping into a little pot of something, however totally impractical and messy, feels luxurious for some reason. His Re(Marc)able Full Cover Concealer is not heavy and does a decent job of covering up those bags and toning down the puffiness of late pregnancy (although nothing can stop you from becoming the balloon-face that you will become towards the end- there's no getting off that train, sorry.) And get this: his most flattering shade, for those of us on the fair side, is called ALIVE. Oh my god, he gets it! I don't know how he gets it, but he does. He gets that you woke up a tired, puffy, pregnant dragon with a toddler clinging to your leg, and now you are trying to get out the door, and all you want is a fancy little glass pot of makeup to make you feel not dead. He gets it.

Now YOU should go get it at Sephoraaaaaaaaaaa! (Oprah voice)